Coming Out
It was in February of 1989, that I decided to finally take the steps in accepting my sexuality. I knew for many years that I was gay, but I never knew what steps to take from that point. I was living at home still and having to deal with a controlling parental situation. I couldn't bring home any gay literature, as my room was searched daily, for god knows what, by my neurotic mother.
And if anything with the word "Gay" on it had been found, it would have been an ugly situation.
I hadn't expressed my true feelings to any of my friends, so as far as I knew then, I had no outside support.
Later I realized that I was wrong. I still have those very friends today, and they continue to be a big part of my life.
At first I called a local Lesbian Information number. It was a recorded message so I was okay with just that step. I just had to listen and not have to say a word.
(This was good! Listen to the lesbian.....listen to the lesbian. Yep this WORKED! )
But after weeks of listening to the same monotone voice I knew that I needed more.
I toyed with the idea of calling the local Gay and Lesbian Community Center, but I was so paranoid of being discovered that it took me a LONG time to get the guts to do it. Why it took me so long was nothing but a humorous mess of excuses.
(The phone might have been tapped...or they just were SAYING they were a Gay and Lesbian Community Center, but they were REALLY these people that find out where you live, and announce it to your family at Thanksgiving, "Guess what? SOMEBODY here is a LESBIAN! Could you please pass the cranberry sauce?")
It's amazing what you can come up with when your faced with the issue of contacting other people that are just like yourself for the very first time.
Needless to say, I am glad that I made the call, and didn't hang up.... well okay so MAYBE I did a couple of times.
But I DID eventually speak to someone and they helped me get involved with an excellent gay and lesbian youth organization.
I went to weekly meetings and soon became an officer. We held charity events, garage sales, marched in gay pride parades, and even held the obligatory BAKE SALE. (Now what organization hasn't had the honor of pushing cookies for money??)
It was a great learning and growing experience that gave me the courage to face myself and to be honest about my sexuality.
It helped me face the questions that I would endure, when coming out to my parents.
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Kara
I started college last fall - lost and confused. I was so unhappy with myself, and I really could not figure out why.
I sort of knew, but I couldn't deal with it, so I just put it aside. I was having problems adjusting to school.
I was doing well in my classes, but I had no friends. I've always been a bit of a loner, but this was rather extreme.
I was finding it so hard to talk to anyone, and I couldn't even talk to my mother anymore. around october,
I started really questioning my sexuality. there were these two girls on my softball team who I knew were gay.
I guess having them put it out in the open put things into perspective for me. I had never met a homosexual before college, at least not any that admitted to it.
I started doing the online thing, posting my picture and profile on various gay sites, anxiously awaiting some sort of response.
Well, about november, a girl started talking to me. she lived about an hour and half away, and it worked for a while.
She broke my heart, and I thought I would never move on.
I met two other girls in january, and we started hanging out. right around then, my mom started questioning who I was hanging out with.
One day, I couldn't take it anymore, and things finally came to a head. we were arguing, and I just randomly yelled, "mom, I'm gay!"
it was probably the scariest thing I've ever done/gone through. I remember losing all color and feeling faint.
she told me that I was wrong, and that I just hadn't dated enough boys. we avoided the subject for a long time after that.
Well, now we talk about it, and I'm happier than I have ever been before. I have a really great girlfriend who my mom loves.
I don't know whether the way I came out to my mom was the best way possible, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I must say - coming out is possibly the greatest/scariest/most invigorating feeling in the world.
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